im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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