I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
