I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
