he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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