My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have feelings that need drinking.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
