You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
