The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
