you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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