how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
