First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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