Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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