dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
