I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
