it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
