All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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