TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
