Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
