btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
