you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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