i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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