even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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