i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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