dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
