I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
