These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
