girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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