if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
