HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
