you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
