I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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