NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
