What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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