Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she woke up with a sticky ear
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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