it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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