Quick, to the slutcave!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
