DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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