i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
