Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
