I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize