I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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