Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need water and some morals
Randomize
