I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
