TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
