I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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