I love watching others lives come down to our level.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
