She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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