Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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