Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i've created a new STD.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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