watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
