one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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