At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
