this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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