So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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