oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
