i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
