she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
