Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
