Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
