No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I want a musical about memes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize