Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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