There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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