I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
