Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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