what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
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