I need help removing her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
