i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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