hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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