Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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