We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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