part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize