Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
