I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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