I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
