so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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