I just pynch a tree in the face
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
