Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
