Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize