im holly from the hills drunk
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Drunk is not a location!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
