Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
