I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
someone owes me an orgasm
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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