I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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