oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
