i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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