Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
