I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
