My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
