I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
