4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
