I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We named our party play list daddy issues
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
