So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
