another moral hangover. fuck.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize