My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
