but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
