i will never coherently bang her
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
my liver is dry heaving
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
