I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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