I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
