One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
