Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
