i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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