True but thats because hes a fetus.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She bit a glass in half.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
