the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
