they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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