Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
