It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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