I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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