I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
